You Must Have So Much Patience!

This is probably the most frequent comment I hear when people learn that I homeschool.  My standard answer is that,

I’m not naturally patient, but my children have taught me well!

 

Patience is essential to successful teaching

One of the most important elements of successfully teaching any child (with or without learning challenges) is patience.  It is important to allow the person time to process, absorb, and digest the material being learned, and to do that at their own pace.

Have you ever had someone show you how to use a particular software program or app, and they just go click, click, click.  See, it’s easy!  But you have no idea what they clicked on or why and you couldn’t go back and repeat those steps yourself.

Anything is easier when you know how to do it.  There is no right speed at which a person will grasp a concept, learn a word, or do anything.  Adjust your expectations to their speed of learning.

 

How Do You Develop More Patience?

 

1. Realistic Expectations

Have plans for what you will introduce in a lesson, but do not set any time frame for what the person will have learned by the end of a lesson.  Focus on what you can control, namely the information being presented, how it is presented, answering questions, etc.  You cannot control whether it will take one lesson or 20 lessons before the person has mastered that information.

My daughter could learn one consonant in one lesson, or it could take five to ten lessons before she had it mastered.  Pushing her to meet my schedule would have not only frustrated both of us, it would also have slowed down her learning considerably as the brain reacts to the pressure of feeling forced to go faster by shutting down.

Plan the next lesson’s content based on what the progress was in the previous lesson.  Sometimes you just need a lot of repetition, sometimes you need to completely change your approach because it just isn’t clicking for them.

 

2. Know That Every Day is Different

Recognize that they, and you, have good days and bad days.  If either of you are having a bad day, adjust and accommodate, and don’t be afraid to ditch the lesson completely.

Some days it is important to show that you still do the work, even if you don’t want to do it.  Persistence is a good skill to learn. Some days it just isn’t worth it and you’re better off leaving the lesson for another day because pushing through will do more harm than good.

Experience will help you recognize which type of day it is.

 

3. Keep the long view in mind.

Teaching a child with dyslexia is a long, slow process, but progress does happen.  Look longer term at progress, over months rather than days or weeks.  What matters is that they are learning and remembering.

The speed of the progression will vary widely depending on many factors.  As long as the general direction is forward, you’re doing fine.  Keep in mind that a child will regress in their learning after illness, lack of sleep, vacation, unusual stress or excitement, etc.,  but they will catch it up again.  Just be ready for those dips, and keep encouraging them.

 

4. Breathe!

Literally, when you are in the middle of a lesson and feel as though you want to pull the sounds out of your child’s mouth because they are coming so painfully slowly, just keep focused on slow, steady breathing and wait until your child either says what they are trying to say or asks for help.  Just breathe. It will do a lot to keep you from biting your lip, clenching your teeth, or losing your mind completely!

 

5. They Aren’t Trying to Frustrate You

Always remember that your child is not deliberately struggling to learn something in order to frustrate you.  However frustrated you feel, they feel worse!  Not only can they not get something they are trying to learn, they are also very much aware that they might be disappointing you.  Always reinforce that you love them no matter what, and you are proud of them for the effort they are making, not for the results they are achieving.

 

There is no magic wand that will make you a more patient parent.

 

Some days it is easier than others.  Some days you’re tired, under the weather, being pulled in multiple directions, have a lot of other concerns on your mind, etc.  You will lose your patience and your temper sometimes.  Apologize.  Figure out what triggered you and either fix it, or watch out for it so you don’t make the same mistake next time.  You are learning just as much as your child is learning, so be as kind and as encouraging to yourself as you would be for them.  You will become more patient with practice, just as your child will learn to read with practice.